


Realize that it's Gone (I don't have to Change)

by boybehindbricks



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Wheelchair, Angst, Bullying, Eventual Relationships, M/M, Popularity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Second Chances, Wheelchairs, realize that it's gone (song), tyler is in a wheelchair and its cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:59:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9542669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boybehindbricks/pseuds/boybehindbricks
Summary: The car crash had severed his spine on his thoracic section, T11.He was paralyzed from the waist down.After a devastating car accident, Tyler must abandon his basketball career. Abandoned by the team, he finds new friends in unlikely places.





	1. It is so different

**Author's Note:**

> No trigger warning for this chapter, except maybe description of a car accident, it's not graphic just a flashback.

_The bright white headlights cut through the jet black darkness of the night, illuminating a path down the suburban road. It was the middle of the night, tyler and his friends were on the way back from the basketball playoff, they had just advanced to the final round, beating out their school rivals, south Columbus for a spot in the final 4. Everything seemed perfect._

_“Yoo turn that song the fuck up!” Oli shouted from the backseat, jamming to All-American Rejects blasting from the stereo._

_Chuck laughed from the front seat and blasted “Dirty little Secret” throughout the car._

_Tyler laughed too, listening to the music, it was hard not too with the volume turned up all the way. Though if he was honest, Chuck was driving a little too fast and he was getting worried. The streets had a lot of twists and turns, as they covered up a small river._

_When the song was over, the eldest boy, Chuck shouted “Next Stop, State Champs!”_

_The car erupted in cheers, everyone throwing their arms up, even chuck, who pulled his hands off the wheel momentarily to shout._

_“WOAH CHUCK WATCH OUT FOR THA-” was the last thing tyler could hear before the car collided with a massive willow tree._

-

Tyler woke up to his mother standing over his bed. Sweat beaded on his forehead, still shaken by his dream.

“Tyler! You're gonna be late!” His mother exclaimed anxiously.

“Ohh- I just..” Tyler was so frazzled from the dream, he didn't know where he was, he’d been having a lot of those dreams lately.

“Are you okay?” His mom tentatively asked, her tone switching from mad to concerned.

“Yeah, I just uh, had another dream” He said, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his left hand.

“Oh, honey.” She sighed, sitting down next to her son.

“It’s okay, I’m fine” Tyler reassured her, propping himself up against his headboard and attempting to climb out of the bed himself.

“Here let me help you” His mother offered, pulling his manual wheelchair closer to the bed.

The car crash had severed his spine on his thoracic section, T11. He was paralyzed from the waist down, well technically his lower back. He had control of most of his abdominal muscles, but anything below his belly button was numb.

It’d been this was for almost 3 months, with winter break coming to an end, today he’d make his triumphant return back to Worrington, the school he once ruled, in a wheelchair. He should consider himself lucky, out of the five of them he seemed quite lucky. Chuck had died on impact, as had Noah. Harry bled out waiting for the ambulance. Tyler and Oli were the only survivors, the backseat had saved their lives. Tyler ended up paralyzed in a wheelchair, but Oli escaped with only broken bones. 

Even though Tyler knew he had met a better fate than the other 3, Tyler couldn’t help but be envious of Oli, he returned to school a week after the crash and kept his spot on the basketball team, making next year's captain.

Tyler, on the other hand, would never play basketball again, he couldn't walk, let alone reserve his spot as Worthington Christian’s point guard.

-

The school was bustling with activity by the time Tyler rolled onto campus. It had taken them an extra 10 minutes to get to school with Tyler’s handicap. His family had been meaning to buy an accessible van, but with all tyler’s medical expenses, they just couldn’t afford it. he felt like a baby as the whole school watched his 14-year-old brother Zach, lift him like an infant, and set him down in his chair.

The hallway seemed to go quiet when Tyler entered, all eyes were on him, well his chair. No one gave a rat’s ass about tyler, they just wanted to see the wheelchair that carted his hollow bones around.

Tyler quickly pushed himself down the long hallway, his peers parting like the goddamn red sea. He just wanted to get to class as soon as possible and have all the stares be gone, he wished he would’ve died in that accident so he wouldn’t be the local inspiration porn. He was just about to turn the corner when a heavy hand clasped his shoulder.

“Hey, Tyler!” He knew that voice, it was the last voice he heard before the collision.

“Oh, Hey Oli” Tyler awkwardly responded, plastering on a fake smile to greet his old teammate.  
“How have you been- Oop uh” Oli stopped himself halfway through the sentence, eyes darting directly to tyler’s chair.

“I’ve been fine” Tyler replied, trying to get through this conversation as quick as possible. “What about you?” He stared at the boy, same clean cut haircut as always, slicked back with gel. 

Underneath his left arm was a silver crutch, looked like it had been borrowed from the school nurse. His right arm was adorned with a bright blue cast, covered in messages from the student body. 

_Get well soon! You're a fighter! Bravest Man I Know!_  
_Love you man! Look forward to shooting hoops soon_

Just reading the messages made Tyler’s blood boil.

“I’m good! I get my cast off in a week!” He exclaimed gesturing to his arm. 

“That’s good” Tyler lied, speaking through gritted teeth. “What about your knee?” 

Oli had shattered his knee in the crash, secretly Tyler hoped it would stop him from rejoining the team.

“Uh I’m not supposed to put too much weight on it, hence the crutch. But my doc says I should be good to play next season. I might have to have a surgery or two, but it’s not as bad as,.. well you know” His voice awkwardly trailed off, eyes again returning to Tyler’s chair.

“Well that’s good” Tyler flashed another fake smile before adding “I should get to class”.

“Okay, do you want any help?” Oli asked, grabbing the back of Tyler’s chair.

“No, I can do it my-” Tyler began, but was cut off as Oli began wheeling him through the hall anyways.

“Nonsense, I got ya covered dude” Oli laughed. Tyler wanted nothing more than to punch that fucking smile off his stupid face.

Oli moved through the halls recklessly, hobbling on one leg, trying to push tyler and balance on one leg at the same time. After bumping tyler into another water fountain, Tyler had had enough.

“Y’know I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll see you later” Tyler smiled, turning his chair to face Oli.

“Alright, if you need anything just ask” Oli added, and with that, he limped away.

 _Thank god_ Tyler whispered to himself, wheeling into the boy's bathroom. 

-

Tyler spent the entire morning wishing to throw himself off a cliff, the awkward stares and half-hearted hellos were too much for him. By the time lunch came he wanted nothing more than to lock himself in a janitor's closet and scream, however, he couldn’t do that cause the doorway was too narrow, as were a lot of doorways. The school was not as wheelchair friendly as he assumed it’d be.

As tyler came through the glass doors of the lunchroom he looked for a place to sit. He really didn’t want to sit next to Oli and the basketball team, it’d just be another reminder of something he could no longer do. Before he could wheel to the other side of the cafeteria, Oli spotted him.

“Hey, Tyler!” He shouted. The calling of his name caused everyone's eyes to turn directly to him.  
He hung his head, hiding his embarrassed, tomato red face, and went over to where Oli and the rest of the team sat.

When tyler got there he realized there was no logical place for him to sit, the table was round and was almost as tall as him. 

Oli seemed to have the same realization, pausing their conversation to stare at him, he felt like such a freak, he couldn’t even sit at a lunch table. Before they could all point out the obvious, Tyler calmly excused himself.

“I have to go get my lunch” He mumbled, quickly wheeling away from the table as fast as he could. His face felt hot and he could feel tears welling in his eyes, he just wanted to go home.

When he arrived at the lunch line, he realized just how inaccessible that was too. He strained to grab his food, almost tipping a bowl of oranges into his lap, thank god the lunch aid had saved him. As he went to hand the woman his money, she just gave him a pity smile and said “No charge for you honey”. 

His father was the principal and he was the starting point guard, so Tyler was used to special treatment, but this wasn’t pride or thanks for carrying our varsity team to the finals, this was pity, and tyler hated pity.

All Tyler wanted to do was to blend in with the crowd, just for one day he wanted to be Tyler: _normal high school sophomore_ and not Tyler: _disabled ex-basketball star_. 

He began rolling over to the basketball team’s table, he had to go slow to make sure he didn't knock his styrofoam tray off his lap. 

Just as they had before, everyone turned their heads to watch the kid in the wheelchair roll by, except for one table. They stayed still focused on their food, not giving tyler a second thought.  
They looked vaguely familiar to Tyler, not that they were hard to miss. Each kid stuck out in their own way. There were 5 of them, two boys, three girls. They looked like the kind of kids tyler would have made fun of, before his accident. One of the girls at the table did turn to tyler, except instead of a glassy-eyed teary stare, she gave him a death glare. What? Out of all the looks tyler expected, death glare was not on the list.

Tyler couldn’t stop thinking about it as he made his way back to his table, what did he do?

-

The hellish day was finally coming to a close, Tyler thought as he made his way to his final period of the day. He could soon go home, bury himself in blankets and forget this day ever happened.

He would just have to make it through this final math class without calling attention to himself and then he could go home, no such luck. A few minutes into class, Tyler was trying to solve for X when a familiar voice called out his name.

“Can I borrow Tyler for a few minutes?” The voice asked.

 _Oh no_ , Tyler’s stomach did somersaults as he turned his chair to face the not-so-friendly face standing before him, his old basketball coach.

“Sure” His math teacher responded, pausing her lesson for a moment.

Tyler and the Coach strolled through the halls catching up before Coach Robo finally mentioned the elephant in the room.

“Are you going to physical therapy” He awkwardly asked, turning the corner. Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I was” Tyler replied, wishing to roll himself off a cliff, he hated talking about his injuries.

“Why’d you stop?” The coach questioned.

“It was a waste of money, it didn’t do anything” Tyler responded, trying to hide his bitterness, when he first started PT he was hopeful, the promises of gaining back sensation even a little bit meant the world, but they soon realized he was beyond treatable and sent him away with a list of muscle retaining exercises.

“You know when I shattered my leg I was in a wheelchair briefly, but with the help of PT, I was able to stay an athlete” The coach added matter-of-factly, this made tyler want to scream.

“I mean with all due respect, I didn’t break my leg, I severed my spinal cord, I’m lucky to be alive” Tyler replied, trying to hide the anger in his voice.

“I know, I’m sorry, If you don't mind me asking, What was the extent of your injuries?” The Coach asked in the nicest way possible.

 _Yes! I DO mind you asking!_ Tyler wanted to scream.

“Uh, My spinal cord was severed at the T11 vertebrae, I cracked my skull open on the windshield and got scraped up pretty bad.” Tyler muttered, trying not to sound rude.

“You’re really brave tyler” Coach said, clasping his hand on Tyler’s shoulder.

“Thank you Coach” Tyler nodded.

“Even though you can’t be on the team anymore-” The coach’s words felt like a knife to the chest. “I want you to know you’re always welcome with the basketball team. In fact, I’d like for you to be my assistant coach for the JV playoffs coming up”. Tyler could tell he was only offering this out of pity, how else would they get the other team to feel sorry for them.

“I’ll ask my mom” Tyler responded, not wanting to say no.

“You do that son” The coach nodded, patting his shoulder.

It was getting awkwardly silent before Tyler excused himself.

“The bell's about to ring and I have to go to my locker.” He said, pointing his chair the opposite direction.

“Alright, have a nice day” The coach smiled, beginning to walk away.

Just as Tyler thought it was over, the coach shouted to him.

“Drive Safe”

Tyler wanted to be sick.

-

“Hey, honey!” Tyler’s mother exclaimed, helping tyler open the front door.

Tyler smiled, after a long day of being looked down on, he was glad to see his mother, who still treated him as she had before the accident.  
“How was school?” She asked as tyler began untying the laces to his canvas sneakers.

“As expected” Tyler sighed, setting his shoes down next to the door.

“I’m sorry honey” She gently combed his hair back, giving him a warm smile. “Do you want some hot chocolate to warm you up?” She asked, gesturing to the melting snowflakes sitting on his shoulders and tangled in his hair.

“Sure” Tyler smiled and followed his mom into the living room.

-

Tyler had always loved music, despite what most people assumed about him, he wasn't the cold-hearted jock stereotype. He was a sucker for Christian rock and sappy pop songs. Another thing people didn't know about him, he loved to write. He wrote music all the time. Most of it was unintelligible garbage, but sometimes he wrote good things. 

After his accident, he began writing a lot more, in the past 3 months he had filled up an entire journal. Some of it was poetry, but a lot of it was just venting. Putting his feeling down on a page was a nice outlet.

His mom had suggested seeing a therapist, but he was already the kid in the wheelchair, he didn’t need to be depressed as well.

Deep down, he really wanted to say yes, but his pride wouldn’t allow it. People could already see his external weakness, he didn’t need them knowing his internal ones too.

-

The morning came quick enough, one minute tyler was drifting away listening to Bad Day, the next he was being shaken away by his mother.

After being helped into his chair by his mother, he rolled himself down the hallway, Tyler used to live in the basement, but he had to move into the guest bedroom when he couldn’t go up and down the stairs anymore. 

Over the past 3 months, the Joseph's had managed to make their home quite accessible. Tyler could independently access the kitchen, living room and dining table. They had to move things around to make the house accessible. For example, they had to buy a new dining room table cause the other one was too high for Tyler’s chair. They also had to get a ramp so tyler could get to the front door, after weeks of threatening to sue, insurance finally caved and covered it. Now they were trying to get a more accessible car so Tyler could travel independently. 

However, Tyler wasn’t sure if he even wanted to get behind the wheel again, he resented traveling long distances and got panic attacks anytime the car stopped to suddenly. His parents tried to get him to see a therapist but he just reassured them he was fine.

-

By the second day, tyler assumed he’d be less of a freakshow and could go back to his normal routine. He had been mistaken. 

When the crash happened it was a big deal, they brought in grief counselors, had assemblies, even journalists from the national news reported on it. Up until now, Tyler had ignored the media, he said no to every interview he was offered and passed up public speaking opportunities. But when he arrived at school this morning, he was greeted by reporters from the local news. They were all huddled around a blue van chatting, waiting to get a quote from the ever inspiring Tyler Joseph.

He felt sick, he wanted to go home. They bombarded him with invasive questions.

_Will you ever walk again?_

_What does this mean for your basketball career?_

_How do you feel about Oliver’s injuries?_

He tried to ignore them, muttering no comment after every invasive question but he wanted nothing more than to scream at them. Tears welled in his eyes as they shouted more things at him.

Finally, the doors shut behind him and a defining silence fell over the crowded hallway.

Tyler just wanted to get away.

-

In Tyler’s 4th period class, just before lunch, he noticed a girl staring at him. The girl looked vaguely familiar but tyler couldn’t tell where from. Just as the bell rang, it clicked, that was the girl, from the table of misfits, who had given Tyler the death stare at lunch yesterday.

As tyler had said yesterday, everyone at that table has something different about them. This girl, in particular, had fiery red hair styled in a choppy, emo haircut.

She ran out of the room before Tyler had a chance to ask her what her damn problem was.

-

The lunch room was a bustling hive of activity, Tyler could barely hear himself think as he left the lunch line. He had to be careful where he was going, as not to get juice or mashed potato goo all over his wheels. As he made his way back to his table he kept an eye out for the redheaded girl who seemed to hate him.

He spotted them in the same place they were at yesterday, a round table in the corner of the lunch room, they were all laughing, talking to each other, having a good time. Tyler was just about to keep going past them when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the girl with the choppy bangs staring at him, looking mad. This time, he decided to stand up for himself.

“What do you want?” He asked in an irritated tone, spinning his chair to face her head on.

She stared at him, eyes burning with fury like they were gonna cut his soul wide open.

“Oh, he speaks” She replied, masking her anger with humor.

“What is your problem?” Tyler asked, in a very hostile tone.

“You got a lot of nerve coming over to my table and asking me what my problem is” She spat, sipping from a carton of chocolate milk.

“What did I ever do to you?” Tyler exclaimed, becoming more enraged with every taunt.

“Would you like the list in alphabetical or chronological order?” She replied, beginning to loathe him more and more each second. The rest of the table laughed at her taunt.

“I don’t even fucking know you!” Tyler aggressively replied.

“You and your dumb jock friends have made my life a living hell since freshman year” She scoffed.

Tyler thought back, he knew his team had taunted people, but they were just joking, right? Everyone knew that?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Tyler spat back in response.

The girl bit her cheek and shook her head.

“I’m going to give you 3 seconds to get out of here Joesph, cause I am not afraid to hit a kid in a wheelchair” She spat, the whole lunch room went quiet. Her friends didn't even speak, they all looked petrified.

“Whatever..” Tyler angrily muttered, turning his chair the opposite direction and leaving. 

_What the fuck was that girl talking about?_ He thought to himself, sitting down with his friends.

-

Tyler decided to skip his 7th-period class, going to the west gym instead. Ever since lunch, he hadn’t been able to take his mind off what that girl said to him. 

_You and your dumb jock friends have made my life a living hell since freshman year_

The team used to play pranks a lot, putting dog poo on someone's porch or calling kid names, but it was never serious. At least he thought it wasn't? Had his seemingly harmless teasing actually hurt someone? No, they couldn’t of, they were just jokes.

Tyler rolled into the empty west gym and flicked on the light switch, massive overhead fluorescent bulbs kicked into gear, illuminating the windowless gym. The west gym was only used for after school games, so it was empty almost all the time. Tyler used to ditch class to shoot hoops and practice his 3-pointer, it would be just like old times. 

He wheeled himself over to the supply closet where Coach kept all the equipment, it was normally unlocked, coach left it open knowing players came during lunch or whatever to practice. Just like always, the door popped open without a problem.

The closet was pretty sparse, most of the space was occupied by two massive posts to hold up the volleyball net. Tyler reached behind one, grabbing a basketball. It was slightly deflated but not enough to affect the bounce, he set it in his lap and rolled out onto the gym floor.

The baskets seemed a lot taller than usual. He tried to dribble but gave up as it kept hitting his chair and rolling halfway across the court. 

Tyler thought back to his health class last year when they had watched the Paralympics, he tried to remember how the athletes played wheelchair basketball. 

He parked himself at the free throw line and tried to shoot. Miss. The bounce of the basketball echoed throughout the whole gym. He chased after the ball, bringing it back to the free throw line to shoot again. Miss. It was about 2 feet below the basket, which made sense since he was about 2 feet shorter in his chair. He sighed and spun his chair around to get the ball, rolling away from him.

Tyler held the ball in his lap, staring up at the basket. He was learning how to dunk, he was destined for OSU, now he couldn’t even get the ball through the hoop.

He could feel tears welling in the corners of his eyes threatening to spill over. It was over, it was all over. The basketball team, the scholarships, the NBA, everything is gone. His knuckles turned white as he clutched the basketball, tears falling down his cheeks, dripping off his chin.

_It’s all gone_

Tyler reached into his bag, doing the only thing he knew how to do when he was sad, he pulled out his journal and wrote. He turned his pain into poetry, his suffering into stanzas. Just when he was scribbling out the last verse, he heard the bounce of a basketball echo through the whole gym. 

Tyler spun around, tears still falling from his eyes, to see a boy with messy brown hair and warm chocolate eyes, he was from the lunch table, he sat next to the girl with fiery red hair. 

“Hey” He said softly, awkwardly tossing the ball between his clammy hands. 


	2. Take a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brown haired boy with the glassy chocolate eyes had given Tyler a second chance, and he was determined not to mess it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder this is set in 2005, Tyler & Josh's sophomore year.

_Just when he was scribbling out the last verse, he heard the bounce of a basketball echo through the whole gym._

_Tyler spun around, tears still falling from his eyes, to see a boy with messy brown hair and warm chocolate eyes, he was from the lunch table, he sat next to the girl with fiery red hair._

_“Hey” He said softly, awkwardly tossing the ball between his clammy hands._

-

“W-What are you doing here?” Tyler stuttered, fastly wiping the tears from his eyes and trying to hide his emotions.

“I came to check on you, Hayley was really mean to you, I wanted to see if you were okay” The boy said as he walked closer, tucking the ball underneath his arm.

‘Why do you care?!” Tyler exclaimed, taking a defensive tone, still brushing fresh tears off his cheeks.

“She doesn’t mean it” The boy added, coming closer to tyler “What she said, she wouldn’t actually hit you” 

“Yeah well, it still hurt” Tyler replied, crossing his arms.

“You can't really blame her, you tormented her a lot” The boy said, turning the basketball over in his slender hands.

“I don’t even know her” Tyler spat back, frowning at the brown haired boy.

“You might not remember it, but you were kinda a douche” The boy spoke, staring at the wall.

“I was not, How-” Tyler sputtered, at a loss for words, but the boy continued to talk.

“You used to call her an emo and freak, stuff like that” The boy talked slow, eyes still focused on the wall.

“It was just a joke” Tyler muttered, trying to defend himself. He had never thought about the teasing, he thought it was all in good fun. 

“In fact, you used to bully all of us, your buddies called me a fag and fruity. You made fun of all my friends” The boy continued, ignoring Tyler’s replies.

“I-” Tyler was at a loss for words, trying to defend himself, but he couldn't. He felt bad, he was just now realizing that maybe the other kids hadn't had as much fun as him.

“Everyone else hates you, everytime you come by they talk about how much they hate you. I, on the other hand, think ya know maybe he deserves a chance. Maybe now he’ll understand what it’s like to be excluded, to be different.” The boy’s tone stayed calm, but his knuckles were losing color as he gripped the ball tighter.

Tyler didn’t speak, for once he just stared at the wall and listened. The boy didn’t speak again either, he just stood with his hands in his pockets, staring at the wall.

After a few moments of silence had passed the boy turned to Tyler and handed him the basketball. His slender hands brushing against Tyler’s calloused ones.

The boy turned and began to slowly walk away without another word. Tyler sat, contemplating what the brown-haired boy had told him before spinning around his chair and speaking.

“I understand” Tyler said, voice cracking.

The other boy stopped, waiting to hear more of what he had to say

“I understand what it’s like to feel different. Everywhere I go, people stare. I’m some freakshow, some teen to pity” Tyler croaked, feeling a lump form in his throat.

The boy turned around, staring into Tyler’s teary brown eyes. Slowly a smile spread across his face.

“I knew I was right about you Tyler Joesph” The boy said, before turning and heading for the door again. 

Right before leaving, he spun around one more time to face Tyler.

“My names Josh by the way” He added, before exiting the gym,

Tyler held the leather ball in his hands, alone in the gym once again. 

-

Dinner was the one time in the Joesph household where everyone came together to share their day, no matter what was happening, you never missed family dinner. Exceptions were made for practice and sleepovers but everyone enjoyed coming together in the evening. Before Tyler’s accident, family dinner was resented, there was always something more important to the kids. They wanted to go to a friends house or watch tv, but after seeing their brother, unconscious and breathing through a tube, they began to realize the meaning of family.

Some may see that as a beautiful experience, strengthening bonds out of tragedy, Tyler did not. He resented the accident and everything that came from it. His little siblings had been terrified into loving him. Before they had a normal sibling rivalry, now everyone was afraid to say anything mean to anyone or it might be their last.

“How was school today?” Tyler’s father asked, interrupting Tyler’s increasingly morbid thoughts.

No one said anything, just looked up at their father waiting for someone to speak first.

“Wow, okay, don't talk all at once” Their father chuckled, wiping food off his upper lip before adding “How about youngest first, Jay?” 

Tyler’s youngest brother, Jay spoke first.

“We drew what we did over break!” He exclaimed, twirling his fork between his small fingers.

“And what did you draw sweetie” Tyler mom asked sweetly.

“I drew me sledding with Zack! And uhh...” Jay responded, hesitating before continuing his sentence “And Christmas with getting legos!” 

Tyler father nodded while sipping his drink, before pointing to madison. 

“What did you do honey?” He asked.

“We wrote stories about friends! I wrote about Tracey and Mr. Nickles said I was the best!” Madison exclaimed, picking up her cooked carrots with her hands.

Zach was next, he talked about hockey practice and his teammates, Tyler ignored it, trying to distract himself. Any discussion of sports made him bitter and resentful. He tried to focus on eating his dinner when his father called on him.

“And tyler, how was your day?” He asked, more sincerely than he had for the other kids. His parents knew how hard it was for him, the school wasn’t very accessible and he didn't have friends outside the basketball team.

“School was fine dad” Tyler smiled, focused on picking his chicken apart.

“Really, what happened” Tyler dad pressed harder, detecting that maybe it wasn’t fine.

“Well, a few reporters harassed me when I was trying to go inside” Tyler sighed, twiddling his fork.

His parent’s faces changed and tyler father slammed his knife onto the table.

“How dare they-” His face was stern and angry. Tyler mother rushed to comfort him, rubbing circles on his upper back.

“It’s not that big of a deal..” Tyler sighed, staring at his plate.

“No, it is, it’s a big deal!” He exclaimed, furrowing his brows. “I will not let those scumbags harass my son!”

The younger kids looked up to their dad, seeming scared. Mr. Joseph didn’t yell often, he was well mannered and a good dad, if he was angry, something was deeply wrong.

“I’m going to make a phone call” Mr. Joseph exclaimed, pulling his napkin off his lap and storming away from the table.

The rest of the family sat in an awkward silence, picking at their food, awaiting his return.

-

As tyler laid in bed that night, he thought back to his time in the gym with the brown haired boy, josh. He thought back to the time on the basketball team, all the practical jokes they had played. He had always thought it was innocent fun, just fun teenage things like mooning the camera or leaving dog shit on someone's porch. He didn’t mean it, sure sometimes his teammates took it too far, calling people fags and whatnot, but it didn’t mean anything, right?

He remembered the look in Josh’s eyes as he described the taunting, a glassy-eyed stare to the wall, he couldn’t even look Tyler in the eye. He just stared at the wall, telling tyler of the torment his friends and him endured. Even after all that, he gave Tyler a second chance, a second chance Tyler didn’t even know he needed. Yesterday he had no clue why the fiery redhead was giving him a death stare, but today the pieces were coming together.

Tyler had been cruel without knowing it, he had bullied his peers and convinced himself it was all in good fun, not knowing the resentment they held against him. Hayley had been willing to fight him over this, and Tyler was living blissfully unaware of his crimes. 

The brown haired boy with the glassy chocolate eyes had given Tyler a second chance, and he was determined not to mess it up.

-

Tyler went to music early the next morning, ignoring the crowd and heading straight for the elevator. The band room was on the second floor above the cafeteria, so Tyler had to take the special elevator.

When Tyler had been able to walk, he and the other kids joked about how they wanted to use the elevator. It seemed fun to avoid the stairs and go up in style, but truth be told the elevator was far from luxurious. It was very old and smelled like feet. The old thing creaked and moaned as it dragged Tyler to the next floor. He was always terrified that one day the cord would snap and he would plummet to the basement to meet his demise. Thank god that never happened.

The music room appeared empty to Tyler as he entered, the chairs were still stacked against the walls as Mr. Hym left them at the end of the day. Tyler rolled in, shutting the door behind him and headed for the grand piano in the center of the room. 

Despite the assumptions about him, Tyler loved music, he loved listening to it, writing it, and playing it. By the age of 16, he had already taught himself piano and bass guitar. Yesterday in the gym he had written a new song, or rather, fragments of a new song. He wasn't sure what he was gonna call it, probably gone, or something similar.

After pushing the piano bench out of the way and parking his chair in front of the keys, he began to mess around with chords, singing the words as he went along. 

_There was a time_

_When I could sing and dance_

He scribbled chords and notes down as he went alone, roughly figuring out the song.

“Maybe a G here?” He whispered to himself, playing a G softly on the keys “Hmm no maybe a C” 

_I would always take a chance_

He sang to himself, sloppily pressing the keys. He lost himself in the music, forgetting where he was and just slipping away into the sound.

_There was a place_

_I could sing this song_

_A perfect song_

Eventually, he stopped writing down notes, just losing himself in the music and allowing himself to figure it out without pressure. The song which had come from such a dark part of his mind was shaping into poetry, as Tyler’s fingers danced across the keys.

_I realize that it’s gone_

_I realize that it’s gone_

_It’s gone_

Tyler’s voice faltered on the last gone, feeling tears fill his eyes. He sighed, staring down at the piano, his shaky fingers trembling over the ivory keys.

Remembering where he was, he pulled back the piano cover and collected his stuff, anticipating the start of class.

-

When Tyler entered his 3rd-period English class, he noticed a familiar face towards the back of the room. It was Josh, the boy from the gym yesterday. Josh seemed to notice Tyler as well, looking up from his notebook and flashing a quick smile.

Tyler rolled past him to take his seat, he could feel his bag wiggle a little as he passed Josh. When he got to his seat and unzipped his backpack, he realized josh had slipped a note into the front pocket. He left the note undisturbed and took out his silent reading ready to start class.

About 10 minutes or so into class, Tyler found his mind drifting away from the task at hand, thinking about the folded note, presumably from josh, sitting in his bag. Slowly, as not to draw attention to himself, he reached into his bag and fished around until his fingers found the folded note.

He slowly unfolded the note, pretending to be fishing in his bag for a pencil.

_Meet me in west gym for lunch - josh_

Tyler refolded the note and slipped it into the pocket of his hoodie, before resuming his English work. “What does he want in the gym?” Tyler thought to himself, flipping his mechanical pencil between his fingers. “Maybe the rumors are true and he has a crush on me” Tyler wondered before quickly shaking the thought out of his head, remembering that his jock friends were the ones who started the rumor.

Tyler tried to focus on his assignment, but all he could think about was what Josh wanted from him.

-

The hallway was completely empty as Tyler rolled down it towards the gym. The west gym was completely on the other side of the school from the lunchroom. To get there you had to go through the library and down a separate hallway until you reached two double doors, those then led to another hallway that contained only the gym. It made sense that it was deserted seeing as there was nothing else to go to besides the gym.

The lights had already been turned on when Tyler entered the gym, he quickly spotted josh sitting on the bleachers, scribbling in a notebook.

“Hey!” Tyler called, alerting Josh of his presence as he rolled across the grimy gym floor.

Josh looked up from his notebook and waved to Tyler. By the time Tyler reached him, Josh had tucked his notebook away in his bag and was unwrapping a ham and cheese sandwich.

“Hey” Tyler parked his chair on the edge of the bleachers next to Josh.

“Hello” Josh greeted him, before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Why’d you wanna meet me here?” Tyler blurted out, addressing the elephant in the room, while nervously wringing his slender hands.

“Well, I wanted to talk” Josh replied, peeling back the saran wrap on his sandwich.

“Ah” Tyler nodded, though still confused.

“What bands do you like?” Josh asked, sparking a conversation between the two. 

Tyler was very passionate about music, he loved a lot of bands that people wouldn’t expect a basketball player to like, he considered himself double sided, not what people would expect.

“Uh you know Green Day, Weezer, Gorillaz, lincoln park, foo fighters, that kinda stuff” Tyler explained nervously, hoping Josh wouldn’t judge him.

“That’s so rad dude, me too!” Josh exclaimed, surprised to have this in common with Tyler.

“Oh really?” His nervousness started to melt away and he stopped wringing his hands.

“Yeah totally! My parents don’t like it, they want me to listen to Christian rock instead” Josh rolled his eyes.

“Ahh, my parents used to do that but gave up, I’m allowed to listen to anything now” Tyler laughed, starting to become more comfortable talking about his music taste.

“So you like brand new? One of the guys down at Record Rev recommended me their album, Your favorite weapon, it’s really good!” Josh exclaimed, finishing his sandwich.

“Kinda, I’ve heard some of their songs and have one of their songs on a mixtape” Tyler responded.

“Oh cool which song?” Josh asked, scrunching up his sandwich wrapped.

“Uh, The Quiet things” Tyler said, feeling anxious, the song was really sad and revealed a lot about him, he hoped josh didn’t know it.

“Hmm, I’ve never heard of it” Josh replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Tyler breathed a sigh of relief before adding “yeah it’s from their new album”.

“Ahh” Josh nodded, “Is it _brand new_?” Josh asked, before bursting out in laughter from his own joke.

Tyler laughed too, he was happy to know someone with similar music tastes. Maybe this Josh guy could be his new friend.

-

When the lunch period came to a close, Josh packed up his things and left. Tyler could've sworn he felt his bookbag move again, either Josh was really clumsy or he had left another note. Before leaving the gym and heading to his next period class he decided to check his bag, simply out of curiosity. Lo and behold, there was a torn piece of notebook paper, folded and sticking out of the bag’s front pocket.

He unfolded it to read the contents.

_Don’t be a stranger 614-316-4871_

Tyler smiled at the prospect of having a new friend, one that wouldn’t constantly remind him of his disability. He just hoped that Josh’s friends would give him a second chance as well.

-

Tyler left the west gym and headed for his next class, study hall. He used to have P.E. this period, but after the accident, the school exempted him and gave him credit for a full year of gym anyway. Being the only disabled kid in the school, the administration didn’t think it was worth it to hire a teacher to teach one student adapted P.E. His parents were really mad at the decision, his father being the principal tried to pull some strings, but it was denied. They did, however, offer to bus Tyler over to the local public school for adapted P.E., but he would have had to adjust his whole schedule, which was more trouble than it was worth.

Study hall was held in a classroom just next to the lunchroom, the noise from the lunchroom carried over, even with the door shut. You couldn’t get much work done so Tyler resorted to either writing or reading. However today Tyler’s first order of business was to text Josh. He pulled out his black flip phone and typed in the number.

A few of Tyler’s friends had been lucky enough to have “slide out phones” which contained a whole other keyboard as well as the normal 12-button-number-pad. On the sliding phones, you could type in a text from a full keyboard, unlike the 12 button phones where you had to press each number multiple times to type what you wanted.

Many people found texting hard, but Tyler’s slender hands allowed for easy button pressing with minimal mistakes.

_Hey!_

_This is tyler, btw_

He debated putting a smile emoticon on the end, but eventually sided against it, deciding they weren’t close enough friends.

Tyler knew josh was in class and would take a while to respond so he slipped his phone into his pocket, before taking out his journal.

He opened the journal to the song he had been working on earlier, the chords were only half filled in, so he thought back trying to remember what they were. He couldn’t really remember the chords and desperately wanted to finish the song so he wheeled himself up to the front of the room, to speak with the teacher.

“Hey, Mr. Farles?” Tyler asked, tapping on the teacher’s desk.

“Oh, yes?” Mr. Farles responded, swiveling around to face Tyler. 

“I was wondering if maybe I could go to the music room to work on something” He softly asked.

“Is there a class in there now?” Mr. Farles asked, scratching his shiny bald head.  
“I don’t think so” Tyler responded, he knew there wasn't, he had become an expert at going up to the music room to practice alone. 6th period happened to be Mr. Hym’s lunch hour, where he went out to his car to chain smoke, thinking no one could see him.

“Alright then, I think it’s okay” Mr. Farles replied, shrugging his shoulders. “If there is a class come back”

Tyler nodded and went to grab his things, before heading for the creaky old elevator.

-

The music room was empty, just as Tyler suspected. He came in and flicked on the light switch, watching the fluorescent bulbs flicker, before humming to life. 

Just as he had before, Tyler wheeled up to the grand piano, relocated the bench, and began playing.

This time he made sure to write down all the chords, after playing with it a few times, he eventually became satisfied and decided to try playing through all the way.

_There was a time_  
_When I could sing and I could dance_  
_With a perfect mind_  
_And I would always take a chance_  
_But now I realize that today is different_  
_It is so different than yesterday_  
_There was a place_  
_When I could sing this song_  
_A perfect song_  
_When nothing could go wrong_  
_And now the place that I am_  
_It is so different_  
_It is so different_  
_Yeah_

_I tried to sing a song for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I tried to live my life for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_

Tyler’s fingers fumbled on the keys, losing himself in the music, beginning to play louder and louder, forgetting himself.

_I loved but now I run away_  
_I lived but now I see the day_  
_As just another desperate way_  
_To change the way I'm living today_  
_The love you see inside of me_  
_Is not mine but it comes from the only_  
_God that will let you live your life_

_I tried to sing a song for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I tried to live my life for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_

His fingers bounced on the keys, he couldn’t hear his thoughts over the sound anymore. Any negative phrase that popped into his head was drowned out by the music. His body felt disconnected from his brain. He was floating far above, drifting through the music. 

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_  
_You say that you can save the day (save the day)_  
_So hear me when I say_  
_Come on down and save me now_

_I tried to sing a song for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I tried to live my life for you_  
_And now I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_  
_I realize that it's gone_

Tyler’s voice faltered on the last note.

_I realize that it's gone_

“Wow” a familiar voice said from behind him, quickly bringing him back down to earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I really am liking writing this so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I like writing it. I know it's moving a little slow but I promise it will pick up soon, I don't want to rush it.


	3. Hear me

_“Wow” a familiar voice said from behind him, quickly bringing him back down to earth._

-

Tyler quickly spun around to face the voice, none other than Josh was standing, leaned against the door frame. Tyler was struck with embarrassment, his face was flush and tears were fresh in his eyes. 

“W-What” Tyler stuttered, he had never shared his original songs with anyone, let alone a kid he met yesterday.

“That was really good!” Josh said in awe, his mouth practically hanging open.

“Oh, uh thanks” Tyler mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Why do you look so upset?” Josh questioned walking towards Tyler. “Did I spook you?”

“No, I just wasn’t expecting anyone” Tyler awkwardly spoke, digging his nails into his back.

“Oh” Josh laughed nervously, sitting down on the piano bench Tyler had shoved away earlier. “Whose song was that?” He asked.

“Oh, it was uh my own” Tyler said nervously, worried what Josh would think.

“NO WAY!” He exclaimed, nearly shouting. “YOU WROTE THAT?”

“Yeah, I did” Tyler mumbled, staring down at the piano keys.

“It was so good!” Josh yelled, his eyes wide.

“Thanks” Tyler replied nervously, forcing out a chuckle.

“I would’ve never expected something like that from you” Josh laughed, leaning back against the piano.

“I’m pretty double-sided” Tyler laughed, feeling a little insulted. Being a basketball player doesn’t mean he couldn’t be creative and sensitive. He hated all the assumptions people made about him but didn’t bring it up, after all the assumptions he and his friends had made about Josh.

“Yeah” Josh laughed “Me too”

Tyler wasn’t sure what that meant, but he wasn’t going to pry. After all, he and josh weren’t even friends yet.

-

After the bell rang, Tyler went to go wait for his father. It was snowing pretty hard so Tyler didn’t want to wait outside in the cold. He parked his chair next to the double door that led outside and watched for his father’s minivan. 

He felt a muffled vibration coming from his pocket and pulled out his flip phone. He assumed it was his father and went to reply.

_Hey!_

It was Josh, Tyler wouldn’t admit it but he felt butterflies in his stomach.

_Hey, wyd?_

Tyler typed back, fingers fumbling over the keys. He slipped the small phone back into his pocket and awaited a reply.

He felt it vibrate once again but was distracted by snickering from behind him.

“They wouldn’t be laughing at me, right? Tyler thought to himself, feeling anxiety well in his stomach “People feel sad for me, they wouldn’t make fun of me?” Tyler began wringing his hands, forgetting about the text from Josh. He slowly turned around, trying not to draw attention to himself. His stomach dropped to his toes when he saw who it was.

It was the fiery headed asshole, Hayley from the table of misfits. She was standing with one of her friends laughing. Her friend was also a redhead, but her hair fell in curls around her face, unlike Hayley's choppy cut.

Tyler tried to ignore them and turn back around, but it seemed like Hayley didn’t like that.

“Hey!” She shouted at him, putting her hand on her hip.

Tyler took a deep breath, hoping his father would come quicker.

“I’m talking to you!” Hayley shouted once again, stepping closer to him.

“What do you want” Tyler said, turning around and morphing his face, trying to mask his panic.

“Stay away from my friend” Her voice was tense and bitter, filled with pent-up anger “He’s got a good heart, unlike you” 

Her friend sniggered at that remark.

“Whatever” Tyler rolled his eyes, trying to seem calm but really suppressing his fear.

“He’s not like you” She scolded. “Don’t suck him into your wormhole”

“I didn’t seek out Josh, he came to me” Tyler shot back, tension rising.

“Oh please, He’d forgive anyone” She snorted, rolling her eyes “He would give a murderer a second chance”

“Yeah, well I’m not a murderer” Tyler responded, running out of comebacks.

“Might as well be” Hayley smirked, her voice seething.

“What are you saying” Tyler spoke through gritted teeth.

“I’m just saying we don’t know what really happened in that car” Hayley raged, looking like she would bite Tyler’s head off. 

Her friend was no longer laughing she looked scared, afraid of what her friend would do.

Tyler felt anger take over his whole body, he could barely speak, the fury consumed him. How dare she bring up the accident that ruined Tyler’s life and use it against him.

“What the _fuck_ did you just say to me” Tyler snarled, looking like he was about to start foaming at the mouth.

“You heard me” Hayley snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. “I said maybe you are a murderer-” Before Hayley could finish, a deep voice cut her off.

“What was that Mrs. Williams?” A deep voice asked, It was the principal, who doubled as Tyler’s father.

“Nothing Mr. Joesph” Hayler grunted, unconvincingly hiding her anger.

“What did she say Tyer?” His father asked, arms folded across his chest.

“Nothing” Tyler exhaled, if he wanted to be friends with Josh, he couldn’t get in too deep with Hayley.

His dad raised his eyebrow, knowing what he heard.

“Alright then” He said apprehensively, before walking out the door.

Hayley stormed away down the hall, her redheaded friend went to follow but not before turning to mouth “thank you” to Tyler.

“What the fuck just happened” Tyler thought to himself, before rolling out the door to follow his father.

-

The drive home was very awkward that day, Tyler’s father was silent, gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles were white. Zack, who had also heard the encounter, sat quietly, staring out the window.

Tyler couldn’t forget Hayley’s words. How dare she say the crash was Tyler’s fault. He wasn’t even driving, Chuck was. If anything it was Oli’s fault for telling Chuck to turn that dumb song up. Tyler knew it was unfair for him to think that, but he hated Oli. He hated that he had survived and he could still walk, all his injuries minor, just small inconveniences. Deep down, he knew it was Chuck’s fault for letting go of the wheel, but it was hard to blame a dead man. 

Tyler’s drifting thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a deafening screech and sudden jolt of the car. The whole world slowed down as the car skid down the street, Tyler could feel every second of it like he was in slow motion. His seatbelt locked and he smacked his head on the window as the car slid into a ditch.

Tyler couldn’t hear, everything blended together into deafening ringing. He couldn’t see either. The first thought to go through his head other than sheer panic “Am I dead?”. His whole body shook with fear, he could feel his heartbeat in every vein.

“Tyler!” His father yelled, shaking him, the old man’s scream cut through the ringing in his ears.

“Tyler!” He shouted once again, shaking Tyler’s shoulders.

The panic coursing through Tyler’s body erupted, and he vomited on his own lap.

-

“Oh, honey are you sure you’re okay?” His mother said, sounding very concerned as she set an ice pack on Tyler’s head.

“Yes, I’m fine mom” Tyler replied, pressing the ice pack to his forehead, laying on the couch.

“We can go to the doctor...” Tyler's mom continued, running her caring fingers through his hair.

“It wasn’t a big deal” Tyler sighed, squinting his eyes.  
“He doesn’t have a concussion” Tyler’s father called from the kitchen. “I checked right after”

“He threw up on himself, Chris!” Tyler’s mother snapped back, rubbing her son’s forehead.

“It was probably from shock” His dad said, entering the room to check on Tyler.

“Which is why he needs to see Dr. Stump!” His mother exclaimed.

“I don’t need to see a therapist mom!” Tyler exclaimed, trying to sit up.

“A lot of people see therapists honey” His mother replied, stroking his hair.

“I don't need one” Tyler defended himself.

“You were in an awful car accident” She sighed

“So?” Tyler rebutted.

“You’re traumatized” She blurted out “Why else would you have been so scared over a small incident”

“It wasn’t small!” Tyler cried, hoping his father would come to his defense.

“Son, we skidded a few feet, we didn’t even fall off the road” His dad sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I’m making an appointment with Dr. stump, no negotiations” His mother told him, standing up.

Tyler pouted and stared down at the carpet. He didn’t need some stranger asking him about his feelings.

-

Josh leaned against the dirty fast food table, picking up a fry from the tray. His friends surrounded him, all crowded around a table and the local dingy burger place.

“What did you say to him?” A boy with messy brown hair asked while sipping from a soda cup.

“I don’t remember” Hayley sighed, brushing hair out of her eyes “I was just so mad”

“Why did you even start shit with him?” The girl with curly red-brown hair exclaimed

“I don’t know” Hayley exhaled “I was just impulsive”

“I mean it’s Tyler Joseph” The brown haired boy snickered “He kinda deserves it”

“You guys don’t know him” Josh snapped. “He’s not the same anymore”

“You’re so gullible Josh” Hayley shook her head. “He’s still the same person he was before the accident”

“But what if he wasn’t a bad person before the accident” Josh exclaimed, talking with his hands.

“Are you kidding?” The curly hair girl snorted “He called you a fairy”

“That wasn't him!” Josh said defensively “It was his buddies”

“They’re all assholes” Hayley cried.

“Y’know for someone who gets judged a lot, you think you’d be less judgemental” Josh sighed, eating another fry.

“Whatever” Hayley rolled her eyes “You’re the only one who thinks that”

“What about you Ashley?” Josh asked, gesturing towards a girl with long brown hair shaved on the sides.

“I mean I don’t know” She sighed, “I think everyone deserves a chance at redemption” 

Hayley rolled her eyes and kicked her feet up on the chair.

“When he hurts you, just remember who’ stood by you for the past five years” Hayley frowned.

“Oh lighten up, hothead” Josh said.

-

Tyler spotted Josh the next day in English, he was sitting next to a girl with long brown hair, it was shaved on the sides. She looked cool but in an edgy way, not the way Tyler was used to people looking cool. 

“Hey!” Josh said, calling Tyler over to him.

Tyler smiled and rolled up to his desk.

“Do you wanna sit with us” Josh offered, sounding a little nervous.

“Are you sure that's okay” Tyler sounded nervous, eyes darting over to Josh’s friend next to him.  
“Don’t worry I'm not a hothead like Hayley” The girl laughed, popping her gum.

“Alright” Tyler smiled, feeling less nervous already.

Tyler wheeled his chair to the edge of the desk and scooted the already present chair out of the way.

“My names Ashley” Josh’s friend said, turning towards Tyler.

“Oh, Uh, My name's Ty-” He began.

“I already know your name, Tyler” Ashley said, cutting him off. 

The girl radiated a confidence that Tyler could only dream of having. He used to carry himself in a much different manner, but ever since his return to school, he’d been riddled with anxiety.

Before Tyler could think of a witty or interesting response, Mrs. Burns entered the classroom and began her lesson.

Tyler attempted to do the assignment, but his mind drifted to other places, almost as if he had left his body.

The harsh ring of the bell brought Tyler crashing back to earth. The other students shuffled out, trying to leave the class as fast as humanly possible. Tyler slowly drifted, gathering his things. He could've sworn he felt his bag move as Josh brushed by him, leaving with Ashley. That sneaky dude, he probably left another note. He went to grab his bag.

“Do you plan on leaving today, Mr. Joesph?” Mrs. Burns asked, almost condescendingly, gesturing to the empty classroom.

Tyler nodded, taking the brakes off his chair and rolling out of the classroom. He’d have to open the note in latin.

His 4th-period class, latin was on the second floor, meaning Tyler would have to make his way to the creaky old elevator that smelled like feet. He was always late to his classes, after all navigating the hallways in a wheelchair wasn’t easy. His teachers all pitied him so never marked him tardy. He could probably ditch an entire class and not get marked down for it.

When Tyler was captain of the basketball team, things came pretty easy to him, Cs were mysteriously rounded up to Bs, Assignments were exempted. Since Worrington Christian was a charter school, funding came mostly from Alumni. Good sports standings were a way to get Alumni to donate, so the school really relied on their teams. If a player’s grades weren’t good enough to play, they were in deep trouble. Was it unethical? Yes. Did Tyler care? Not really.  
Tyler had always been an average student, so the boost in his grade really helped. Who was it hurting really? He was earning money for the school, fudging the grades was like his salary.

When tyler rolled into latin he noticed 2 familiar faces, not friendly ones, however. Hayley and her curly haired friend were sitting in the corner laughing, not at him this time, thank god. He tried to ignore them, heading to the back of the room where his accessible desk was. Some classes had separate desks and chair, however, in room 213 the desk and the chair were attacked, making them impossible to be used by tyler. As a result of this, Tyler got to sit at the teacher’s desk.

He scooted Mr. Adeyemon’s coffee mug to the side and moved on to his first order of business, checking his bag. Just as he suspected, there was a folded yellow note tucked between the pages of his Algebra book. He smiled as he extracted the note and began to read it.

_Lunch again?_

Another lunch date with Josh? A smile crossed his face, he couldn’t wait.

-

Josh didn’t specify where to meet him so Tyler assumed it would be in the gym again. His stomach tossed and turned, Tyler wasn’t sure if he was hungry or just nervous. While he wouldn’t admit it, he had grown quite fond of Josh. In the past 3 days or so they had formed a friendship. After all, Josh knew more things about Tyler than some of his old friends. None of them had read his poetry, let alone heard him play it. He unintentionally had opened himself up to Josh and he kinda liked it. It was nice to be true to yourself around someone, to finally be authentic. His teammates hadn’t seen the softer, creative side of Tyler, only the half-truth he lived. Josh, however, had seen Tyler, truly seen Tyler and his vulnerabilities. It scared Tyler to think about, he barely knew josh. He tried to push the thoughts out of his head and forged along to get lunch.

Tyler had decided that the butterflies in his stomach were hunger so he briefly entered the cafeteria to buy a lunch. Once that was over he places it precariously on his lap and headed for Josh.

Just like last time, the lights were already on and josh was sitting in the bleachers waiting for him.

“I was worried you weren’t gonna show” Josh chuckled, peeling open a foil bag of chips.

“Sorry I had to go get lunch, it’s all the way across the school and I-” Tyler rambled, starting to wring his hands from anxiety.

“No, it’s okay!” Josh exclaimed, cutting him off.

Tyler smiled and set his styrofoam lunch tray down onto the bleachers.  
“How’s your day been?” Josh inquired, popping a chip into his mouth.

“It’s whatever” Tyler shrugged, picking at his food “You?”

“Yeah, same” Josh nodded, crunching chips between his teeth.

“So who’s Ashley?” Tyler asked after a few moments of silence, lifting a forkful of peas into his mouth.

“Just a friend” Josh replied “She’s part of my squad”

“Ah” Tyler nodded, before asking “So who all is in your ‘squad’?”

“Well there’s me, of course, then Ashley, and Hayley” 

Tyler grimaced at the mention of her name, remembering her harsh words from yesterday.

“Then there Brendon, and uh Debby” Josh finished, popping another chip.

Tyler nodded, spinning his fork around on his plate. Debby must’ve been the auburn haired girl Hayley was with yesterday.

“They all hate me right?” Tyler laughed, concealing his hurt from the whole situation.

“Well no” Josh explained “Ashley doesn’t really give a fuck, she thinks you should get a second chance”

Tyler nodded, remembering the intimidating girl with cool hair.

“Brendon and Debby don’t hate you, they just don’t trust you” Josh talked with his hands, tyler noted.

Tyler bit the inside of his cheek, anticipating what Josh would say next.

“Hayley is the only one who hates you. She’s really impulsive, She get’s mad and her anger takes over” Josh sighed “She didn’t mean what she said yesterday”

“I’d like to hear that from her” Tyler muttered, stabbing a pea with his fork.

“No chance, She’s a hothead with a lot of pride. She’d wait for hell to freeze over before apologizing” 

“Tell her about Hell Michigan, cold as ever and frozen 40% of the year” Tyler laughed, trying to change the subject, or at least distract from it. He couldn't get Hayley’s words out of his head.

_I’m just saying we don’t know what really happened in that car_

Josh’s warm laugh brought him out of his head and back to the present. He felt safe, safer than he had with his old friends.

-

Tyler’s mother greeted him at the door, taking his backpack and setting it down on the stairs.

“How was school?” She asked sweetly, watching tyler yank off his canvas sneakers

“It was good” Tyler replied, tossing his shoes on the mat next to the door.

“That’s nice” She smiled, it was the first day Tyler had called good since his return.

“What’s for dinner?” Tyler rolled into the living room, detecting an aroma of garlic.

“Chicken Parm” His mother responded, heading into the kitchen.

Tyler smiled, his mother’s cooking was great and chicken parm was one of his favorites. Most kids his age hated their mother’s cooking, but Tyler loved it.

His mother popped her head back into the room to say one more thing.

“Before I forget, your appointment with Dr. Stump is on Sunday at 11” 

“Mom..” Tyler protested.

“This isn’t negotiable Tyler!” She exclaimed, waving a marinara covered spoon at him “You’re going and that’s the last we will discuss this!”

“Ughh” Tyler groaned, throwing his head back for dramatic effect. He didn’t need to see a therapist, he was fine! How many times did he have to spell it out for people.

-

The warm yellow glow of streetlights flooded into Tyler’s window. He stared at the wall, watching the shadows dance and cars drove by, the light of their headlights zipped across the room as they passed. He wasn’t tired tonight, his mind was a bustling hive of activity and thought. He couldn’t do much but think, he had already settled into bed, meaning that if he wanted to get up he’d have to pull his wheelchair closer to the bed and try to maneuver himself into it. Usually, his mother helped him but sometimes he could do it himself. 

He’d lost a lot of muscle since the accident. When he was on the team he was training nonstop, practice every day after school and a membership to a local gym in the offseason. Since the accident, he had canceled his gym membership and stopped watching what he ate. 

Tyler wasn’t fat, he was very slender actually. His bones protruded and stretched his skin, but the doctor swore up and down he was healthy, just not muscular. Once his muscle began deteriorating, he was just left with his thin frame. 

When he was in PT they assigned him exercises to do, to maintain his muscles. He didn’t really keep up with them, no one ever reminded him or forced him to do it, so he didn’t.

His legs were the thing he hated most about himself since he hadn’t used them for 3 months they were skinny and frail. He had maintained at least some muscle up top, but his legs looked sickly. His bones were visible and stretched his pale skin.

When he was in PT they recommended spray tanning his legs in the summer to feel more normal, but that felt fake. Tyler was very against lies and spray tanning himself just to feel normal felt like a lie. He didn’t want to paint his body to feel whole, he just wanted to be whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I love writing this, the story has become like my baby1 Thank you for all your comments and kudos! I'm so glad you like it! Also, I just want to clarify, with the last line of the chapter "i just want to be whole" I'm not implying disabled people are less human / less whole, Tyler just longs for his life before the crash and feels like he has lost everything. He's going through the cycle of grief. Anyways yeah hope you liked it!


	4. Save the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting in 4,000 years, I've been quite busy with school and spring break. But here it is!!! Chapter 4!!! I didn't have much time to read through this so please excuse any grammatical errors. Alright well, enjoy!

Dr. Stump’s office was cramped, there were two floral patterned couches shoved against opposite walls, in between them sat a massive book shelf with thousands of titles, all relating to mental illness or trauma. Across from the bookshelf, next to the door was a messy desk, papers were haphazardly stacked up in piles threatening to spill. Tyler parked his chair in front of the bookshelf and sat anxiously wringing his hands. 

“For a shrink that specializes in disabled people this room isn't that accsessible” Tyler thought to himself.

Dr. Stump eventually entered the room, he had wispy brown hair, tousled in an attempt to mask his receding hairline. Wire-framed glasses sat atop his fat nose. He was a little chubby and looked like a really kind English teacher who let students walk all over him. 

“Hello Tyler” He said in a warm voice, sitting down in a leather chair at his desk.

“Hi” Tyler said meekly, smoothing out his t-shirt.

“Would you like to sit on the couch, it’s a little more comfortable” Dr. Stump suggested, gesturing towards the floral couch beside Tyler.

“I can’t” Tyler responded with a slightly bitter tone.

“Would you like some help?” Dr stump asked, beginning to stand.

Tyler shrugged his shoulders and wheeled himself closer, once Tyler was relaxed on the couch, leaning on the arm, Dr. Stump sat down.

“Why are you here today?” Dr. Stump asked, holding a pen above his notepad.

“My mom made me” 

“Why?”

“She said I'm traumatized.” Tyler shrugged, staring at the streak of sunlight coming through the crack in the door.

Dr. Stump nodded and scribbled something into his notes.

“So what put you in a wheelchair?” Dr. Stump asked blatantly.

“A car crash” Tyler choked, his throat felt tight, he swallowed the lump in his throat and felt the blood rush to his cheeks.

“Tell me about it” 

“It was 3 months ago, we were on our way back from the basketball tournament, he took his hands off the wheel and we hit a tree” Tyler words were forced, he hated telling that story, it was cursed and came off his tongue like poison.

“Who is we” Dr. Stump didn’t even look up, he just wrote.

“The team, me, Chuck, Oli, Noah, and Harry”

“Are they paralyzed too?”

“Chuck and Noah were in the front seat, they died on impact. Harry was in the middle, he went through the windshield. Oli’s fine”

“Harry’s dead as well?” The doctor interrogated, looking up from his notes.

Tyler nodded, remembering his desperate screams for help, seeing the blood, there was so much blood. Tyler saw the whole accident flash through his mind every time he blinked, like it was tattooed in his eyelids.

“What’s your diagnosis?” 

“Huh?” Tyler questioned, coming back down to earth.

“Your diagnosis, your classification…” Dr. Stump trailed on.

“Oh it’s a T11 spinal cord injury” Tyler muttered.

“Complete?”

Tyler shook his head, “Incomplete B”

“What can you still feel?” Dr. Stump looked up from his notes.

“Sometimes I get tingling in the front of my thighs, but I can't ‘feel’ anything” Tyler said, putting quotations around the word feel.

“Do you have abdominal control?”

“Mostly, my left side is weaker than my right” 

“Okay, that’s enough for psychical health, tell me about your mental health”

Tyler went silent, as hard as the accident was to talk about, the thoughts that came with it were so much harder.

“I notice you’ve been wringing your hands, why is that?” Dr. Stump noted, barely looking up from his paper.

“Uh, I just do it” Tyler picked at the skin around his fingernails, his cuticles had become raw from ripping the skin off so much.

“Did that start before or after the accident?” Dr. Stump asked, staring at Tyler’s hands.

“After” Tyler’s voice cracked, he hated this man, and he hated his mother for forcing him to come here. None of this would help, talking wouldn’t fuse his spinal cord together, Dr. Stump couldn’t mend his bones or heal his back.

“Do you do it when you’re nervous?”

Tyler nodded.

“Are you nervous now?”

Tyler nodded again.

“What makes you nervous?” Dr. Stump asked, setting down his pen precariously on the edge of his desk.

“Talking” Tyler shrugged, staring at the broken hem of the couch.

“About the accident?”

Tyler nodded again.

The questions continued on and on for what felt like years. Dr. Stump asked a seemingly normal question then asked if it was about the accident. Everything was always about the accident, no one cared what Tyler was before the accident. No one cared he was sad before the accident, scared before the accident, it didn’t matter. All Dr. Stump wanted to know was about the accident. 

Towards the end of the hour, Dr. Stump took off his glasses and looked at Tyler, really looked at him. It felt as if he was staring through him. Past his thin skin and small bones. Looking into him.

“The accident had a profound effect on you, what you described about the nightmares and visions, it sounds like you’re suffering from PTSD”

Tyler could feel a lump forming in his throat, closing his esophagus and pressing against his eyes.

In that moment he just wished everything would go black.

-

When Tyler got home that afternoon all he wanted to do was go to his room and sleep. He just wanted to drift off and let the blackness slowly engulf him.

His mother greeted him at the door, her hair was tied loosely back and she was adorned in a cream colored apron.

“Hi honey, how was the doctor?” Her voice dropped on the word doctor, she didn’t want anyone to know her precious baby boy was seeing a shrink.

“Okay” Tyler mumbled.

“Well, maybe this can cheer you up…” She began.

Tyler's brain immediately shifted into panic mode, oh no, oh no, what could she be doing.

“Come say hi boys” Before she could finish her sentence, she was surrounded by the members of the JV basketball team.

Oh god, it was like Tyler had just walked through Hell's gate. He was surrounded by the people he hated most, jealousy boiled in his blood, he thought he was gonna explode ass they all screamed “Surprise!”. It was too loud, too loud, too loud. This was too much, Tyler had to get out of here, but he couldn’t, his mother grabbed the edge of his chair and pulled him forward into the house.

“The boys just wrapped up practice so I invited them over for lunch, also you seemed a little blue so I thought you might enjoy the company” His mother gleefully explained, unaware how much Tyler wanted to die right now.

All the boys blended together like a faceless mob, except for one. The one Tyler wished he could strangle, Oli stepped forward.

“Hey dude” He said enthusiastically, extending his opened palm for a high-five.

Tyler reluctantly high-fived Oli before noticing a big difference, his cast.

“Oh yeah I got my cast off yesterday, I’m still not cleared to play, but I'm getting there” Oli smirked.

Tyler felt himself leaving his own body, he wasn’t here right now, no one was here right now. This was all a dream. He felt like he was on the ceiling, far away from his hollow bones and severed spine. Floating above the body that had betrayed him. 

His mother said something, but it must have gotten lost in translation because it just sounded distorted and cloudy.

It was like he was on auto-pilot, his body knew what to do. He pushed his chair to the table and smiled and spoke, but Tyler wasn’t doing any of that, he couldn’t feel himself doing anything. He felt like a ghost, unattached to his forsaken body.

-

When Tyler woke up on Monday, he felt awful. His eyes ached from staying up so late the night before. It’s not like he meant to stay up so late, he just lost himself in writing. He had stayed up scribbling in his journal and lost track of time. Aside from that, his fingers stung from ripping all the skin of yesterday. Any movement of his hands stretched the raw skin, he kind of liked the way it felt, it sent dull pain through his nerves. It felt real, it felt right.

His mother was waiting for him in the kitchen.  
“You’re gonna be late!” She exclaimed while rummaging through the pantry.

The clock above the stove was ticking dangerously close to 8:00, meaning school started in a mere 15 minutes.

Tyler mother handed him his backpack while he was lacing up his canvas shoes.

“You’re fathers already in the car waiting for you”

“Alright” Tyler said, borderline yelling and he tied the final shoe, god he knew he was an inconvenience already he didn't need to be reminded. 

Without saying goodbye he grabbed his bag and wheeled himself through the front door.

-

The excitement of watching Tyler wheel himself through the hallways had worn off by now. I guess everyone had exhausted their pity. Tyler rolled into music basically unnoticed.

Mr. Hym nodded at him, even though he was late. Most teachers didn’t mind his lateness, so far no one had marked him tardy. Tyler wasn’t sure if it was out of pity or because they understand how long it takes to get around the school in a chair.

Tyler noticed that the class happened to be missing some faces, Ashley and Brendon, Josh’s friends weren’t here. Josh had mentioned before that they ditch class to get food or smoke. Tyler guessed he was right seeing as Brendon stumbled in halfway through class smelling like pot. He looked disheveled, his brown hair hung in greasy strings around his face and wore a gray hoodie 2 sizes too big.

Mr. Hym ignored him continuing with his lecture, but Tyler couldn’t help but stare. Not that Brendon noticed, his eyes were the size of the moon, he was so out of it 

-

Ashley had decided to come to school after all, by the time 3rd period rolled around she was sitting back in her chair chatting to josh. She had her hair in a bun showing off her shaved undercut. 

Tyler gave a slight smile as he wheeled his chair over to them.

“Hey!” Josh exclaimed turning to tyler, interrupting his chat with Ashley, who didn’t seem to mind.

“Hey dude” Tyler smiled, Josh’s friendship had been the only thing to make Tyler smile in a while.  
“How was your weekend?” Josh asked, with a big smile on his face.

“It was ok” Tyler lied, thinking back to Dr. Stump and the basketball team “What about yours?”

“It was good” Josh nodded. 

“That’s good” Tyler replied, reaching into his bag to take out his book.

They both paused for a minute and it was silent, not exactly an awkward silence just a quiet silence. However, It wasn't long till the calm quiet was interrupted.

“Josh do you have any Advil” Ashley croaked, her voice was hoarse and sounded like hell.

“Yeah I think so” Josh said, scrambling through his bag.

Ashley nodded and took a sip of electric blue Gatorade.

“Hangover?” Josh asked.

“No shit sherlock” Ashley replied, attempting to be snarky but just sounding gruff.

“You need to stop drinking with those boys, you don't have the same tolerance” Josh handed Ashley a white bottle.

“I don't need advice from Extreme Lightweight Josh Dun. My tolerance is just fine, thank you very much” Ashley said, sounding cross as she poured 3 blue pills into the palm of her hand and washed them down with a swig of matching blue Gatorade. 

Josh looked like he was trying to think of a witty comeback but before he could say it, Mrs. Burns walked in a commanded the class’s attention.

When class was over Josh and Ashley hung around for a minute, chatting. Tyler didn’t know Ashley that well so he didn’t think he should join in. Instead, he reached down to put away his notebook and felt something small hit the back of his hand. He was slightly confused but when his hand collided with a folded piece of paper he knew exactly what it was, a note from josh.

The scrap of yellow paper read “Lunch?”. 

Tyler looked up to tell Josh yes, but he had already disappeared. Gosh, he was so sneaky.

-

The lights in the west gym were already on by the time Tyler made his way there. As per usual, josh was sitting on the lowest level bleachers, picking through his brown-bag lunch.

He smiled as Tyler parked his chair. 

“No lunch today?” Josh asked, noticing the lack of a styrofoam lunch tray on Tyler’s lap.

“I actually packed today” Tyler replied, pulling out a plastic bag from his backpack.

Josh nodded and covered his mouth to chew his food.

“So what’d you do this weekend” Tyler asked, wiping a shiny red apple on his shirt.

“I hung out with Hayley, Debby, and Brendon. Ashley ditched us to go party with her boyfriend but she hung out on Friday.”

Tyler nodded, even though he had only known Josh for such a short time, he was sad that he wasn’t part of the friend group. He felt closer to Josh in one week then he felt to the basketball in 2 years. He could relate to Josh on a deeper level, he saw Tyler in a raw state. He heard the music he never shared, he saw the tears he never shows, he’d seen the secret part of tyler. He was the only one.

“Do they still hate me?” Tyler asked, his voice shaking a little.

“No, they don’t hate you. In fact Ashley thinks you’re pretty cool, she wants to know if you party” Josh smiled at the last part.

Tyler smiled too, Ashley was so cool, she was a kinda girl who demanded your respect, being liked by her was amazing.

“Debby and Brendon don't hate you either, they’re not exactly excited about me being friends with you but they're not mad at me either” Josh continued “Hayley, on the other hand, has some weird pent up anger towards you and I don’t know why but don’t worry she’ll get over herself soon.”

Tyler really hoped so, he really wanted to hang out with Josh somewhere outside of the gym, and he couldn’t do that when all his friend’s hated him.

-

Tyler was so relieved when the bell finally rang at the end of 9th period, today had been a long and boring day, all he wanted to do was go home. He gathered up his things and left the room as soon as possible, headed for his locker. 

Even though it was only Monday, the cathartic feeling of the school day ending made it feel like a Friday. 

Halfway to his locker Tyler spotted a friendly face, Josh was at his locker chatting with the friend group. Ashley, Brendon, Hayley, and Debby were all bunched up chatting.

Josh turned and locked eyes with Tyler, smiling and waving for him to come over.

Tyler smiled back and decided to wheel over, what damage could a lighthearted conversation do. Apparently a lot. 

As Tyler passed Hayley, he felt a bump under his left wheel, uh oh. 

“OW!” Hayley yelped in pain.

Uh-oh, uh-oh this was bad, so very very bad. Time froze, Tyler’s heart was beating a mile a minute.

“WHAT THE FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT” Hayley screamed, locking eyes with Tyler.

The hallway went silent, all eyes were on Hayley, who was going ballistic.

“ARENT YOU GONNA SAY SORRY? YOU JUST RAN OVER MY FOOT YOU FUCKING JOCK” Her face was tomato red, full of anger.

“I-uh” Tyler stuttered, he was too scared to move, he just sat there, petrified.

“WHAT? ARE YOU DEAF TOO?” She screeched, “NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE? YOU FUCKING JOCKS THINK YOU OWN THE WORLD, YOU CAN GO WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. WELL NOT HERE YOU CANT. YOU WALK ALL OVER ME ANYMORE. BASTARD”

She was going berserk, she looked completely out of control spewing any insult that came to the top of her head.

“YOU KNOW WHAT GET OUT OF HERE. GET AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS” Hayley reached out, by the time Tyler realized what was happening, it was too late to stop it. She grabbed Tyler’s shoulder’s and threw him backwards. In that split second moment, Tyler fumbled, trying to grab his wheels but he couldn’t. He fell from his chair and smacked to the ground hard. 

Everyone in the hallway, gasped, even Hayley, who stood above Tyler panting, anger still coursing through her veins, along with regret, realizing what she had just done.

Tyler couldn’t hear anything, everything just sounded like a buzzing crescendo of chaos. He was face down, he couldn’t see. All he could feel was his heart beat, beating throughout his whole body. HE felt so helpless like a baby, he couldn’t move his legs, he couldn’t get up, he couldn't reach his chair. He was worthless, lying in the fetal position on a high school floor, unable to move or feel. The 10 seconds on the ground felt like an eternity.

Tyler felt a gentle hand on his back and a soft voice, from a soft boy.

“Are you okay?” The voice asked, gently turning Tyler’s shoulders.

Tyler looked up at the boy, fresh tears dripping from his eyes. It was the boy with messy brown hair who had saved him in the west gym.

Time blurred together like a dream, everything had a slight white tint to it.

“Here grab my hand” The boy extended his hand, but Tyler could only look up into his warm chocolate eyes. 

It felt like an angel had saved him, in a moment so chaotic, he felt safe in the boy's arms. The angelic boy grabbed his arms and another set of hands grabbed his legs.

“Thank you Josh” Tyler said softly, wet tears staining his face.

The angelic boy smiled and wiped Tyler’s tears.

Tyler felt warm and safe, looking up into the melted chocolate eyes of his guardian angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you want you can leave me a comment with what you thought. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try and get a new one up soon. <3


	5. Desperate Way

Tyler’s mother was furious when her husband came home and told her what had happened at school that day. Tyler’s father, being the principal of the school had found out immediately. A group of kids had run into the office shouting various recants of the incident.

“There’s a fight!”

“Tyler fell”

“Your son got beaten up!” 

“Tyler hit a girl!”

Mr. Joseph immediately ran to see what had happened, he’d never reacted so fast for a mere fight, but this was different. Tyler could’ve been seriously injured, he could’ve had a seizure or worsened his condition.

When he arrived, Tyler was back in his chair talking to a boy. All the kids in the hallway had either left or were crowded around Tyler, trying to see if he was okay. Luckily there were a few kids yelling at them to get back. 

Mr. Joseph pushed his way through the crowd of kids, trying to get to his son.

“Tyler!” Mr. Joseph yelled, pushing past the last kid. “Are you alright!”

Tyler nodded, his head hurt a little from hitting the ground, but it was no big deal.

“What happened?” His father asked, sounding like he might cry.

Tyler thought for a moment about how to respond, Hayley had been nothing but a bitch to him, he could completely throw her under the bus, but that wouldn’t get the friend group to like him. He could also cover for her, say it was an accident, but his dad wouldn’t believe that.

Tyler looked up to Josh, searching for an answer in his expression, but he couldn’t read it. He decided to side with his conscience.

“Nothing..” Tyler started “er..It was my fault”

His father looked skeptical of that story, just as tyler thought, he didn’t believe him.

However Brendon and Ashley looked surprised, but not in a bad way. I guess they expected him to sell Hayley out. It was her fault after all.

“Did you fall?” His father asked, crouching down to Tyler’s height.

“Y-Yeah” Tyler said meekly, but quickly added “I’m okay though”

“Did someone push you?”

Now was the real moment of truth, the big question. Tyler panicked, what was more important, getting back at Hayley, or the future of his friends. His mouth was so dry, he didn’t think he could speak if he wanted to. He could feel his heartbeat in his tongue. Thump. Thump. Thump. He couldn’t speak, thankfully he didn’t have too.

“Yeah, Hayley did” Josh bravely responded, squeezing tyler’s shoulder.

“Is that true?” Mr. Joseph asked the crowd.

Everyone nodded, even Brendon and Ashley.

“Where is she?” Mr. Joseph asked, anger beginning to boil inside of him.

“I think she went to the bathroom” Josh suggested “Debby ran after her”

“Tyler, go out to the car” Mr. Jospeh commanded in a no-nonsense tone “Everyone else, go home” With that final worse, he spun on his heels and jogged down the hall.

The crowd began to disperse, teens mumbling random things about tests and fast food as they left.

“Here, I’ll walk you to your car” Josh offered, picking up Tyler's backpack for him.

“Thanks” Tyler smiled, hanging it on the back posts of his chair.

“We’ll catch you later” Ashley said as she left with Brendon. Tyler couldn’t tell if she was talking to him or Josh, maybe both.

“You ready?” Josh asked, beginning to reach for the back of Tyler’s chair.

“No” Tyler said, grabbing the wheels of his chair, “I can do it myself”. He hated when people tried to push him. He wasn’t a child, he could push his own chair.

“I just thought..” Josh trailed off sounding kind of sad.

“Thank you for helping me Josh, but I just need to do things for myself” Tyler snapped, sounding angrier than he meant too.

Josh didn’t say anything, he just looked down at Tyler, his eyes starting to get watery.

“Sorry, I-I” Tyler stuttered, seeing the pain in the boy’s eyes “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way I’m just sick of people treating me like a child. I can push my own chair, I don’t need help with everything” 

“It’s okay” Josh nodded and rubbed the corner of his eyes. “I understand”

Tyler smiled and looked up into the boys forgiving brown eyes, in that moment Tyler realized, he’d move heaven and earth for this boy.

-

At home, Tyler’s mother and father were screaming about what happened. His mother was furious that she hadn’t found out until Tyler got home. While they argued about that, Tyler slipped quietly into his room. 

It was the same as he left it, desk a messy pile of homework and sheet music, bed with his electric blue comforter, and dresser full of his clothes. 

His parents used to force him to clean his room, his desk had to be tidy and the bed had to be made. However after the accident, rules went to shit, his parents treated him like a massive baby. They made his food, did his laundry, even set up “play dates” with his ex-teammates.

Tyler wasn’t a baby, he could make his own friends, and he sure as hell could clean his own room. 

He wheeled himself over to his dark brown desk and started stacking up papers. Trash in one pile, homework in another, and sheet music in the last. Most of the homework ended up being trash, it was from before winter break and the teachers had just basically given him a pass on it. After all who was gonna be mean to the principal’s disabled son.

When tyler finished his desk he decided to work on the dresser next, clothes hung haphazardly from the bottom drawers. There was nothing in the top two drawers, cause Tyler couldn’t reach them, so all his clothes were jam packed into the bottom three drawers.

Instead of trying to shove all his clothes back into the drawer, he took them all out and set them in piles, t-shirts, pants, socks, underwear, pajamas, and fancy clothes. The fancy clothes were separate cause Tyler didn’t want them to get wrinkled.

When he was done he’d just have to go ask his mom if he and jay could switch dressers. Jay had a short dresser designed for children, only 3ft tall or so. 

Next step in spontaneous home improvement, the shelves. Next to his bad Tyler had two shelves stacked with basketball trophies and memorabilia. It served as a constant reminder of what he couldn’t do anymore. He grabbed every single trophy, every photograph, anything that mentioned basketball, and threw them in the trash.

Even after all this, something was still missing. Before the accident, Tyler used to spend most of his nights in the basement, playing the piano alone. They kept an old Yamaha keyboard down there, where tyler wrote his music. When tyler was a kid they bought the keyboard hoping for Tyler and Zack to take lessons. Zack never did but Tyler took about a year of lessons before dropping out.His parents though he stopped playing then, but really he’d kept it up all these years.

Tyler hadn’t played much since the accident, just a little in the music room. He had a program on his computer where he could compose piano pieces by pressing buttons on a keypad, but it wasn’t the same. His family really didn’t know about his secret piano habits, so he never asked them to bring it up from the basement, and he wasn’t going to now. He’d have to find a way to get down those stairs without being noticed. 

-

Later in the evening, after dinner, Tyler excused himself for bed.

“Sleep well honey” His mother said from the couch. Her voice had true concern, the incident with Hayley must have really scared her. “Love you” 

“Love you too mom” Tyler smiled. 

He wheeled himself down the hall to the entrance to the basement. He couldn’t go down in his wheelchair, he would certainly crash. He’d have to scoot down the stairs on his butt. Except, he couldn’t leave his chair in the hallway or his parents would think he’d fallen. He’d have to put his chair in his room, make his way down the hallway somehow, then climb down the stairs.

He parked his wheelchair in his room, setting the wheel lock on it. Then he slowly pushed up on the handle bars, lifting his butt off the seat. He had to be careful if he fell he might not be able to get back up. Carefully he lifted himself forward in the seat and lowered himself. Shifting his hands onto the seat. After a few moments of concentrated scooting, he was sitting on the carpet of his floor.

See, he wasn’t a baby, he could be independent. 

Now was the hard part, Tyler didn’t have control of his leg muscles, so scooting across the floor would be difficult. He had spent most of the evening watching other paralyzed people go up and down stairs but they had much more strength than tyler. He was a skinny kid with deteriorating muscle, although he had to admit, the muscles in his arms had increased significantly since being in the chair. It was hard work to push that chair 24/7. 

Remembering a youtube video from earlier, Tyler rotated his body and turned his back to the door. Slowly, he pressed his palms flat to the ground and pushed, lifting his lower body of the ground, then swinging his torso to move. It was tedious but eventually, Tyler was out of his room and in the hall. The basement was only 5 feet or so from Tyler’s bedroom, he was almost there. HE was just starting to open the door when he heard someone.

“Uh? Tyler” His younger brother Zack said, sounding extremely puzzled.

Tyler spun his head around, shit. Behind him was his 14-year-old brother holding a wicker laundry basket under his arm, waiting to go into the basement.

“Why are you out of your chair” He asked, furrowing his brow.

Tyler smiled awkwardly.

“Don’t tell mom” Tyler blurted out.

“I won’t, I won’t” Zack assured him “Just tell me what you’re doing”

Tyler sighed, he guessed Zack could get the keyboard for him.

“I wanted to get the keyboard” Tyler explained.

Zack looked like he was gonna burst out laughing.

“That old piece of junk?” He chuckled “How did you plan on getting it?”

“I was gonna scoot myself down the stairs!” Tyler said defensively, realizing how silly that might sound to Zack, who could walk down stairs with ease. “I watched plenty of videos on it”

“Yeah, but how were you gonna carry a keyboard up the steps as well?” Zack asked, adjusting the laundry basket on his hip.

Tyler hadn’t thought too far into that, he figured it’d be easy, but none of this was really that easy. 

“Can you just get the keyboard for me” Tyler sighed wanting for this to be over.

“Yeah, Yeah, ok” Zack agreed, opening the basement door “Just let me put this in the washer”

A few minutes later Zack returned, holding the large silver keyboard.

“So are you gonna play this here or should I take this to your room” Zack joked.

Tyler sighed and began scooting himself back to his room. In a way, he was kind of relieved that he didn’t have to face the stairs just yet.

“Do you need help back into your chair?” Zack asked, setting the keyboard on Tyler’s bed.

Tyler considered it for a moment, he was really tired from all the movement, but the whole idea of this excursion had been independence, so he politely declined Zack’s offer.

“Whatever” Zack exhaled, starting to leave the room.

“Wait dude” Tyler called, “Can you get the stand for this as well?” 

Zack nodded and left the room, heading back to the basement.

Alright now was time to get back in his chair. He rolled over onto his stomach like he had seen all the people do in the videos. Then reached up and grabbed the armrests, pulling himself up. The chair rocked a little. He’d have to be a little more careful. He pulled his body up, his upper body turned up but his feet still on the ground, kind of like a back stretch. He moved his hands from the armrests to the handle on the back, pulling his body across the chair. After a few more tugs he was laying across the chair, all he had to do was roll over. He grabbed the armrest across his body and pulled. His armed were so sore and it sent burning pains up his arms, but after a few pulls and some scoots, Tyler was sitting in his chair like normal. 

Soon Zack brought in the plastic keyboard stand and said goodnight, leaving tyler to set it up in the corner of his room, in front of the window, that way he could look outside while writing. See the beautiful view of suburban Columbus.

Once Tyler set up the keyboard he was way too exhausted to do anything. His whole body ached and burned. All he wanted to do was sit in bed and sleep. 

As he laid in bed, he looked around the room. The minor renovations had made a huge difference, all was well.

-

When Tyler got to school, he couldn’t find josh or his friends anywhere. Normally he’d catch a glimpse of them in the hallway or at their locker but they just were nowhere to be seen. Maybe Brendon and Ashley were skipping again, He shrugged, but the dark side of his mind pelted him with depressing scenarios. What if josh hates you? You shouldn't have lashed out at him yesterday! You’re a monster. They went to help Hayley, not you. You're not their friend.

The thoughts followed him, all the way to his next class.

The music room was mostly empty, just a few band students in the back corner moving around drums. 

Tyler considered sitting down to play the piano for a little bit, but the presence of the band students was too intimidating, so Tyler wheeled to his normal seat and waited for more students to flood in.

-

Halfway through the period, the old PA system buzzed, sounding like an old-timey radio, cutting into Mr. Hym’s thrilling lecture about octaves.

“Tyler Joseph to the office” The creaky voice said through static “Once again Tyler Joseph to the office”

Tyler turned a rosy shade of pink as the entire gaze of the classroom shifted to him. Mr. Hym nodded towards the door as tyler quickly wheeled away, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself.

He rolled down the hall to the musty elevator and wondered if today would be the day the rusted cord snapped and sent him barrelling to his doom. 

When he arrived in the office, he realized where all Josh’s friends had gone. Debby, Josh, and Ashley were standing across the room, talking amongst each other. Tyler went over to join them. 

“Hey tyler” Josh welcomed, a slight smile crossing his face.

“Hey” Tyler smiled.

“Your dad wants to see you” Ashley kindly informed him, gesturing her head down the hall.

Tyler nodded and wheeled himself towards his father’s office. 

Hayley was sitting in a chair in the corner, next to a platinum-blonde lady with pursed lips, who Tyler assumed to be her mother. His father and the vice principal were talking to them, he mother was giving careful nods, but Hayley was staring into space.

“Hey Ty” His dad exclaimed, stopping the conversation with Ms. Williams abruptly.

“Hey” Tyler said meekly, his heart racing from the sight of Hayley.

“Now Hayley” The vice principal prompted, glaring at her.

“I’m sorry Tyler” Her voice croaked, she didn’t look up or move. Just stared at the ground.

Tyler didn’t know what to say, should he accept the apology, or just acknowledge it’s existence.

“It’s okay” He quietly replied, looking towards his feet.

“The behavior was certainly not okay!” His dad shot back “Ms. Williams will have consequences” His tone was strong and assertive.

“Uh, Dad?” Tyler began “Can I like go?” 

“Of course” The vice principal nodded, answering for him.

His father shot a stern look at Hailey, narrowing his eyes.

Tyler just wheeled out of the room, trying to get out of this situation as fast as possible. He parked his chair back with josh.

“What did they want?” Ashey asked, picking at her nails.

“Hailey had to apologize to me” Tyler replied “I didn’t ask for it or anything I guess it’s just part of her punishment” Quickly adding the last part so they wouldn’t think he was an ass.

“Do you know what her punishment is?” Debby asked, nervously twirling her hair between her fingers.

“Uh, no they didn't say, probably a week suspension” Tyler shrugged.

Debby nodded, looking to the ground.

It seemed a little awkward for tyler to be here, these people weren't his friends. They were loyal to Hayley not him. 

“I should, uh, get going” Tyler sighed, reaching for his wheels. He hoped that someone would say ‘wait no stay’ but no one did, it was silent as he left the office. They weren’t his friends, they weren’t even his acquaintances. They didn’t like Tyler, in fact, they hated him. Josh was the only one who forgave, the only one willing to give him a second chance. He really didn’t want to screw it up.

-

Hayley got to there late, looking disheveled as she sat down next to her friends at the greasy fast food restaurant.

“Where were you?” Brendon asked, sounding annoyed.

“Sorry, my mom wasn’t too keen to let me hang out with my friends” Hayley said, sounding frazzled.

“How long did you get suspended for?” Debby inquired, reaching for a fry.

“2 weeks” Hayley sighed, pushing her hair out of her face “And Mr.Joseph is trying to get me expelled”

“Expelled?” Brendon exclaimed, almost dropping his lukewarm milkshake.

“Yeah, all cause of his stupid son” Hayley muttered, grabbing a few fries.

Hayley continued on about how bad Tyler was and how he ruined their lived, and everything would be better if he never got into that accident before Josh had enough.

“What the fuck Hayley” Josh yelled.

Hayley looked taken aback for a second, but then narrowed her eyes.

“Standing up for your little boyfriend now are you?” Hayley hissed, pressing her hands on the table “The boy who tormented us, bullied us, called us dykes and fags. You’re defending him now?”

“C’mon” Brendon grabbed Hayley’s sleeve, trying to get her to sit back down. 

“That wasn’t him” Josh explained “It was his teammates”

“Oh, To-may-to / to-mah-to, He was the captain, he was their ringleader, he's one of them” Hayley cried, pressing down so hard on the table it just might've snapped.

“You don’t know him” Josh shouted, “He was never one of them!”

“What about when he laughed? Huh, josh? His friends would throw the insults but he’d laugh.” Hayley snapped “Maybe he didn’t call you a fag but he laughed! He’s not your friend”

“You don't know him” Josh growled, feeling the blood rush to his face “He’s soft and sensitive and sweet! Unlike you”

“What’s that supposed to mean” Hayley hissed between clenched teeth.

“It means you're a bitch. You’re a fucking bully, just like you say the jocks are. You threw a kid out of his wheelchair for god sake. It doesn't matter who he is, you threw a disabled boy out of his goddamn wheelchair” Josh screamed.

“I’m the bitch” Hayley huffed “Me? It seems like you’re his bitch”

“What’s that supposed to mean Hayley?” Josh sneered “You calling me gay too? Seems like you’re the bully now”  
Hayley didn’t say anything, she just stared, deep into Josh’s dark brown eyes.

“Well, if you wanna go be buddy-buddy with Tyler Joesph then you can, but don’t expect us to run to your rescue when he leaves you. Remember who was there for you all of middle school, us.” Hayley snarled. “And we won't be here when he leaves you, right guys”

Everyone was silent, everyone just stared at the grease stains on worn table.

“I said Right guys” Hayley hissed, staring at who she thought were her friends.

“Can you shut up” Ashley exclaimed, slamming her fists onto the table “There is no we right now. You threw a kid out of his _wheelchair _. How can you think that’s okay”__

__Hayley was silent, she looked to Debby, hoping for backup, but none came._ _

__“Don’t you remember why we started hanging out?” Ashley countered “It’s because we were different, and kids hated that. We started hanging out cause we were bullied, and now you’ve turned into a bully yourself. You know what? I can’t take this I’m going home” Ashley sighed, grabbing her bag and standing up._ _

__Josh didn’t say anything, he just stood up and followed Ashley, walking out the door._ _

__The remaining three sat in silence._ _

__“You’re still my friend, right Brendon” Hayley mumbled._ _

__“I don’t know who you are, let alone how to be friends with you” Brendon sighed, walking out with the rest._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was kinda all over the place, I just needed to wrap up some things. Hope you liked it. I'll try and make the next chapter a little more cohesive. So if you liked it leave me a like or a comment or something. I really enjoy writing this so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this! It's different from my other works cause I'm writing it in chapters instead of all at once also it includes a disabled character. I'm not disabled myself so feel free to correct me if it's inaccurate or offensive. I hope you guys like it! :3


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